This'll be short I'm sure...

I got my invitation to Tara's bridal shower today... Unfortunately its the same weekend as John and Carrie's wedding, and their wedding is out in Utica. So I dont think I can make it to both. I'll probably go to John and Carrie's, because I've known them for 3 1/2 years, and Carrie and I got really close at one point, when she lived down south. Plus, I wont know anyone at Tara's shower, so I'll just buy her a gift and bring it over to her or something. It sucks cause I was looking forward to it, but it'll be okay.

Mark and I got into a fight today... That SUCKED. Well, it still SUCKS cause we arent speaking, I guess. I just dont know what to do. Its like he is on a roller coaster. Either he is at an extreme high, or an extreme low. And he hasnt always been this way, he's just been through a lot in the past two years, and its all catching up with him. When he lived up here, and didnt have access to a computer, we'd write back and forth all the time, and I really miss that. I really miss being able to talk to him about things. I felt like we got really close then. I dunno. Maybe it upsets me cause everyone is always acting like they know him. But they dont, at least not in person. They werent with him through all the bad stuff he went through. I'm starting to sound selfish here, but I dunno. Andy and I talk about this a lot, cause he feels a lot of the way I feel. I wont speak for him or anything, but we pretty much share the same ideas. We are both going to see Mark in June, and I really hope that helps our friendship and all. I dont want to lose Mark as a friend, but these severe ups and downs are getting hard to take, especially when we used to talk all the time, and now we dont, and half the time I have no clue whats up. I used to confide in him, and I thought he confided in me too. Maybe its easier for him to trust people he doesnt even really know, than to open himself up to someone who knows him in person and what hes been through. I dont even know what to write anymore. I feel like I am writing in circles about this, and that it really wont even matter anyways. I have no clue.

Well, I have thought about it lately, and I think I might lock my diary. Anyone who wants a password can have one, just leave me a note, or a guestbook entry, or email me, just press those little buttons to the left over there! I just dont want it to be open to the entire internet. But, like I said.. if you want one, let me know and I'll gladly give it to you...

I got a phone call tonight that was totally unexpected... One of the guys who lives at the house I work at, Andy, called me! (Yes, I know, I have too many Andys). I just love Andy to pieces. He has cerebral palsy, and requires total care. He is just awesome, and one of my good friends. I tell him a lot. I keep telling him that whenever I eventually get married that he is coming to my wedding, because I feel so much like he is part of my family!! Anyways, he called just to say hi... Andy recently got a headset phone, so he can have more private conversations (i.e. a staff doesnt have to hover over him and hold the phone to his ear), and he wanted to call someone, so he picked me! We talked for 10 minutes or so. I'm always telling him that Andy and I are going to take him out to Olive Garden for dinner, cause he likes italian food, and its one of my favorite resteraunts. As soon as I get a real job (aka a FULL TIME day job), I'll have to start making good on these promises!

I think this is all I might write for tonight. I hope Andy calls soon. I didnt talk to him last night cause he figured by the time he got in, I'd be sleeping, and he didnt want to wake me up. That was at 2am. I was awake til almost 5am LOL talking to Mark, and playing Yahoo! pool with my friend Andy. I think I'm just gonna go to bed and watch TV and snooze til he does call. I feel like I am starting to ramble, and that maybe this entry is really wordy and wont make much sense... so.....

Goodnight everyone!!

then || now