Well, Tiger is leaving today. I cant believe he is going. I've had him here for 7 months, and I will miss him very much. I knew he was leaving eventually, but not under these terms. I figured that I would see him again after he left, and that would make things better. But the truth is, I probably wont. Jen has changed so much over these past months and weeks. I dont even know her anymore. It makes me so so sad. I probably wont ever see him again. And I feel bad, because he is actually Jay's kitty. And I cant let Jay take him home. I just dont want to start more problems with Jen. She has been one of my best friends for 6 years, and it hurts so bad. I would be ok letting Tiger leave, if I knew I would see him again. But I dont know that.

I wish things werent like this with Jen, but they are. Truth is, she called up my mother telling her all these things about me, some truth, some lies. She was crying telling my mom how worried she was about me. Worried?? For what reason? There is no reason! She told my mom that Jay, Chris, Jay's uncle Mike and some other guys were coming up here this weekend. Truth is, it was just Jay and Chris all along. And Jen was invited. Hell, she was supposed to come. But, since it was Chris's birthday, we let him pick the weekend, and he picked this one. I'm sorry that Jen couldnt make it. Her sister was coming home from London, Saturday, I think. She couldnt come down Friday night, I think she was in Rochester with her friend Mike anyways. She could have come down, but she chose not to. I'm sorry it wasnt a good weekend for her, but I didnt choose it. I know I would have been upset and felt left out, but still... I wouldnt have done what she did. Call up my mom and lie? Chris called Jen later that day on Friday, and asked her about calling my mom. She DENIED the entire thing. Said she hadnt talked to my mom in 2 weeks. Okay Jen, where would my mom have gotten any of that from? There is no other way but from Jen.

I was angry on Friday, but now I am just sad and hurt. I'm disappointed that this is what happened. I'm even more disappointed in some of my "friends" who dont know whether to believe me or not. Come on, you have known Jen for how long, and how well? Give me a break. I thought you were a little more loyal and knew me better than that. Guess I was wrong. It certainly will make an interesting vacation in a few weeks.

I wish things didnt have to be like this with Jen. But she has really shown to quite a few people recently, just how she is. I dont know when she became so lying and manipulative, but she is. And that hurts.

Now things are all messed up with my mom. She spent like an hour on the phone with me on Friday, after Jen called her, grilling me about who and what and everything about this weekend, and my life. She now things all of my friends from Niagara are bad news (sounds like how Jen's father perceives all of us). If Jen and I would ever be friends again, I would have to keep it quiet from my mom, cause I think she'd be pretty upset after all this crap Jen just pulled. It sucks, but I pretty much have to keep my friendship with Jay a secret too, cause of all the lies Jen told my mom about him.

It seems like my mom believes Jen more than she believes me. Is it cause Jen called up with her big crocodile tears and told my mom how "worried" she is about me? Now things are messed up with my dad too. Cause my mom told my dad everything that Jen told her. My mom pretty much wants to disown me. Is this what you wanted Jen? I hope you are happy with yourself. Cause no one else is.

Tigerbug, I will miss you so much. I'm sorry you got caught up in all of this. I dont want you to go. I hope Jen is right, and you are not couped up in her room all day and night, like before. I hope you do have the run of the house. I will miss you so much baby. I hope we see each other again soon. I have to go before I cry more. I'm sure I will cry when I hand you to Jen. I'm sorry baby Tiger.

then || now