I have this friend. Well, I guess he is my friend. Maybe he is just some person who likes to say "hi" every once in awhile when he is online and bored. Lately, that is what it feels like.

This person is someone who I thought was my friend. We used to write back and forth all the time. Like real handwritten letters. We used to talk about a lot of important things. A lot of unimportant things. Just passing the time, trying to keep each other company.

When I would be in the area, or passing through the area, I would always stop by and say hi, even if it were just for an hour or so. At the time he was in a tough situation, so I'd always make it a point to stop by and hang out. I'd go out of my way, just to see him for a little while.

Now he is gone. After awhile he moved away. A long ways away. I saw him just before he left, and I cried when he was gone. I havent seen him since. At least not in person. I see him online daily.

We dont talk so much anymore. Maybe I'm too busy. Maybe I am not making the effort. But it doesnt feel like that is the problem. I still have to read to find out about whats going on in his life. But now, its not a personal letter. Its not even an email, or in a conversation online. Its through something like this. Written to anyone and no one, at the same time. We hardly talk anymore.

I do read a lot about his friends though. The ones he talks to online or on the phone to. But it doesnt really include me. I feel like I am not important anymore, to him. Maybe that is unfair to say. Maybe not. I was a real friend. Real, as in the physical sense. I was not over some computer, living thousands of miles away. I am not knocking online friendships. I have had quite a few in my day. But I feel left behind by him, left behind in a world of friendships he has created online.

Maybe that isnt fair.

But right now, it hurts just a little.

then || now